Oh Inconsistent Me, Crying Out For Consistency

I got the horrifying results to my math final.

35%, and it brought down my total grade to a %40-something.

My heart broke to see the number, then it hit me.

I could fail and screw graduation.

I've always been honor roll, what's wrong with me this year?

40? I GET 80% ALL THE TIME.

There is more to me than my music, grades, designs and photography.

They don't define who I am.

I need to stop trying to control everything myself.

I need to stop with 2387438 goals, and just stick to what is important.

I need consistency, with those around me, my work, my faith and my mind.

I've crumbled, and I need to be mended.

For the first time, I crawled underneath my sheets, put 'when i go down' and 'let it all out' by relient k and just cried out to God. I cried for 20 minutes, real tears that left me breathless. Matt Thiessen has the the perfect song. Through all my hardest moments, these have brought me to humble ground. I am human, I screw up and I have the nature to reject that. I can't do that, God needs to break me in order for the 'new' me to be born. I am giving myself to him, in my best efforts, completely.

I NEED YOU, GOD.

YOU ARE MY CONSISTENCY.

I'M CRYING OUT, OH GOD.

PLEASE, HEAR MY PLEA.

Read More 1 Comment | Posted by Natahsha Priya

20 Facts

Here are the rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 20 random things, facts, habits or goals about you.

1) I tend to be very blunt when I met new people, I think it earns me respect....?

2) I don't like people in my room, it's mine and only for me. Go hang out in the living room.

3) I have 'shirley temple' ringlets, as my natural hair and I hate it.

4) I lose respect for people, easily. Once I see them in a new light, it will never change.

5) I think no one really likes me, and they only talk to me out of pity.

6) My heart breaks for old people. Just seeing them, and how helpless they are... my heart goes out to them so bad.

7) I've already picked names for my kids. I only want two, one boy and one girl.

8) I tend to realize if a guy is worth my time in about four days. So far, none of them have been worth my time.

9) I don't care what anyone says about it, I ~~like~~ LOVE boys with 'emo' hair.. you know, with bangs to the side. *teenie <33333*

10) One of my biggest pet peeves is people eat with their mouths open and loud, open gum chewing. ugh.

11) The smell of coffee gives me a headache.

12) My weight fluctuates from 85 pounds to 100 pounds.

13) I have a thing for Ohio bands. I don't know why, but I do... since 2002.

14) I only like my grades if they are above 90%.

15) My favourite food ever is... 6 inch: cold cut combo on parmesan from subway. with extra mayo and jalapenos and everything on it except tomatoes. AND MY 32 OUNCE DRINK OF STRAWBERRY FRUITOPIA. <3

16) I hate when people spell my name wrong.

17) Regardless if they are sellouts, Paramore has (in my opinion) one of the best female vocalists ever.

18) Grapefruit soda, is amazing.

19) I don't like my church, because of how Christianity is shoved down your throat. I like my school Bible sessions on Wednesday, I learn so much more.

20) I have more online friends that I can have real, deep conversations with. I wish I had that with the people I physically know.

Read More 1 Comment | Posted by Natahsha Priya

Ouch x 384732

Friday night I went to church with my mom.

We were up in a group praying and all of a sudden, I got a massive stabbing pain in my knee.

I sat down and the pastor, my teacher and friend prayed for me.

After that, I have to limp to get anywhere.

I have bruises all over, both legs.

My right knee is swollen and slightly purple.

My muscles are sore and constantly tired so I can't even put my knee joint perfectly straight.

I tried and my knee quivers and I end up losing my balance and falling over. (it's not funny.)

So for now, I have to put all my weight on my left hip, but!

November (07), I fell at work and I managed to give my left hip a pinched nerve.

I never got it fixed because of school, work and church.

But now, it's just making matters worse.

And this week is finals. AH.

Prayer would be appreciated.

i'd be so happy. :]]]]]

I won't be able to play hockey for the next week.

And if I don't play.. (I'm captain), my team will definitely lose.

I haven't done any work this weekend because I can't even find a place to 'relax'.

Sleeping hurts, walking, standing and even sitting.

ARGH.

but yes, pray. it would definitely mean a lot.

Read More 1 Comment | Posted by Natahsha Priya

Destroy My Pride

Hey what you got you don't know
Anything that I'm gonna say right now
Cause I'm not so sure why I'm here and why I wanna
Keep on hanging 'round right now
Not that I do it now or any day
Sometimes I just get burned out
About lots of things and well just doubt

So tell me something good you got it and
Why am I so misunderstood cuz I wanna know this
Cause I'm confused and do I break into two
So tell me how about you

Hey what you got something bad and I want it
Even though I know its wrong
But I won't be blessed cause I know this so I can't have that
So I can show I gotta be strong
Man I don't wanna be able to breathe
Be able to see what's become
of the wars of this world
and the wars from my tongue

So tell me something good you got it and
Why am I so misunderstood cuz I wanna know this
Cuz I'm confused and I bruise yes I do so tell me how about you
So please just tell me something good you got it and
Why am I so misunderstood cuz I wanna know this
Come on baby and race me and maybe we'll just find ourselves

I wanna be I wanna be like that mountain
I wanna stand taller and bigger than rest
See I just wanna be it a guy who wins all the time
I wanna be a big star a king and rule my own life
And God I know that it's wrong
So please just make my heart right
Inside and destroy my pride

So you can tell me something good you got it
Why I am so misunderstood cuz I wanna know this
Cause I'm confused and I bruise yes I do so tell me how about you
So please just tell me something good you got it and
Why am I so misunderstood cuz I wanna know this
Come on baby and race me and maybe we'll just find ourselves

Hey what you got something bad and I want it
Even though I know its wrong

Read More 1 Comment | Posted by Natahsha Priya

dumb myspace.

You comment several people, it's okay if they take a few days to reply.

But it's a different thing when they reply to people right before and after you... and they completely disregard your comment.

I need to delete people.

Read More 1 Comment | Posted by Natahsha Priya

Stop Running

I believe everyone comes to the point in their life where they start to really accept.

Not to accept the fact that not everyone is nice, but the fact that my life is a story book written by God.

There's a beginning, setting, climax, plot and ending. He's the author of my life, directing the steps of my feet according to where He wants me to go.

I'm starting to stop the fear that's scaring me away from university. There's no need to be afraid, He's on my side.. He's my strength and my help in trouble. There's nothing more you could ask for.

I'm started to accept the fact that I am single and very content with that. God will send me my husband/boyfriend when we are both ready. I'm not ready for marriage now, he probably isn't either. When our time is right and when our hearts are ready... God will put us together. God is the author of my love story.

MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC. AH. My love and my time consumer. My heart is in it and when it's ready, God will open the doors, the right connections and whatever I need. I'm working hard now, I'm learning to not cry when I get off pitch in a song. I simply smile, go and work with my coach. Improve, practice and repeat. The right band will come along, then, again, their hearts are ready.. just as mine.

Photography. My pictures suckkkkk. Hahahahahaha. I got criticized by a friend (who calls themselves a pro, but takes pictures like a six year old) because I've only been taking pictures for two years. It's something I like to do, get over it. No one really supports me, but I don't need them. All I need is my God opening my eyes to his creation, and a charged camera. Again, the direction and plot of this chapter will be continued when my heart is ready.

Read More 1 Comment | Posted by Natahsha Priya

Blurbbbb

This is my final week for my favourite class, History 12.

It's also my last essay, ever and I'm just really sad yet excited about it.

I managed to get all my library resources checked out, noted, sourced and typed.

All I have left is simply five websites and then tomorrow I put it together.

The internet has been 'off' since Monday, so we have no internet at school.

Even the library which has wireless, isn't working.

But, it works out.. I manage to get a heck of a load done. :]

Also, I gave up on the boy.. why?

1) I need someone far more attractive. (Yes, I'm shallow.)

2) His faith was barely at 1/100 of mine.

I had a list, but I forgot. Forgive me.

I had something in my mind, earlier which was going to be my blog topic.

But, I've forgotten; so if it comes back I'll write another blog.

Read More 1 Comment | Posted by Natahsha Priya

<33

It's here!

My lovely 52 inch reflector from Calumet.

http://www.calumetphoto.com/item/RM4052K/

I didn't realize how large, 52 actually is.

I'm 60 inches but yeah. haha.

IT'S HUGE. and collapsing it was hard.

but seriously, I'm so excited to use it.

I just need to find people to photograph.

If only my friends weren't so shy.

Read More 2 comments | Posted by Natahsha Priya

lack of...

I'm not getting as much sleep as I'd like.

It's either because I'm having a disturbing nightmare..

Someone is being rude and noisy in the morning... (i'm a very light sleeper)

or I'm stressed.

I'm applying for my University application in two weeks.

The nerves are killing me softly.

My eyes are bloodshot and my mind is wandering.

And boys are confusing me.

You'd figure if a guy flirts with you, at least he'd reply to you.

Hmm. If he wants me, he can talk to me.

I need to stop over reacting with him.

I don't know....

I'm question so many things, and it's literally tearing my mind apart.

Good to know that I can find peace in God.

My safe haven, to get away from it all.

To be restored is what I need.

And that is what I'll get.

but hey. LOOK A NEW PICTURE.

Ashleigh and I decided to go to the library for books.

No really, we did. Then, I saw booster juice.

So I finally checked out 'Secrets From the Vinyl Cafe,' so stoked to read it.

After... I was heading out but no.

Ashleigh lured me to the fireplace where we took pictures.

Yes, that was pointless but oh well.

Read More 0 comments | Posted by Natahsha Priya

boys.

confuse me.

that is all.

Read More 2 comments | Posted by Natahsha Priya

Book List

My goal for 2009 is to read 25 books. Here's a list of books that I want to read. I'll check them off once they are read. This isn't a full list, I know. These are books that I'm interested in reading, however a book is a book. The goal is 25, we'll see how far I go.

I'm open to suggestions, so feel free to comment.

BOOK WISH READING LIST

1) Romeo and Juliet by Shakespeare

2) The London Prodigal by Shakespeare

3) Macbeth by Shakespeare

4) Othello by Shakespeare

5) East of Eden by John Steinbeck (recommended by Jennifer)

6) The Prophet by Khalil Gibran

7) Secrets From the Vinyl Cafe by Stuart Mclean

8) The Catcher In the Rye by J.D Salinger

9) 1984 by George Orwell

10) Beneath a Marble Sky by John Shors

11) Go Ask Alice by Anonymous (recommended by Melissa)

SERIES

I own them all, but never really read them.

11) 1 - Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud Montgomery

12) 2 - Anne of Avonlea by Lucy Maud Montgomery

13) 3 - Anne of the Island by Lucy Maud Montgomery

14) 4 - Anne of Windy Poplars Lucy Maud Montgomery

15) 5 - Anne's House of Dreams by Lucy Maud Montgomery

16) 6 - Anne of Ingleside by Lucy Maud Montgomery

17) 7 - Rainbow Valley by Lucy Maud Montgomery

18) 8 - Rilla of Ingleside by Lucy Maud Montgomery

BOOKS I HAVE READ IN 2009

1) Queen Bees & Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman

Read More 1 Comment | Posted by Natahsha Priya

Self Improvements

Today was just. wow.
warning: this will be long.

It all started at recess, one girl was standing in the hockey game. A bunch of huge guys were playing there, so I simply said, 'So-and-So you shouldn't be standing there.' She immediately blew up. I told her it was simply because I didn't want her to get hurt. These guys will hurt you... no joke. I've had experience. I still have bruises and scars from basketball games. Her attitude blew up, and I immediately apologized ad walked away before it blew up.

After school, we mentions it to the teacher as I'm walking by. I stop, and listen and say, 'I said sorry, why are you bringing it up?' Then the teacher brought us to sit and talk about what happened. It was a thirty minute conversation, that was just idk. I said sorry but she couldn't get over it. Then she brought up something that 'happened' five years ago. By the way, she's twelve right now. It was my karaoke machine, you can't jump near it cause it's extremely sensitive. Well, she jumped and it got screwed up. I told her, not to and she didn't listen. She brings it up and blames it all on me. Which is EFFING STUPID. WHY? CAUSE SHE WASN'T EVEN INVITED TO THAT PARTY. SO THUS, SHE WASN'T EVEN THERE. So she made it up on the spot, which really ticked me off. She was making false incidences that never really occurred. She brought up false stories and blamed it on me. I say things to her because I just don't want her to get hurt. She doesn't want that help.. fine. Get mulled over by three, 200 pound guys. That's not my problem.

But then I was coming to realize that it was much more than just an argument. After she left, my teacher and I had a conversation. It's much more, this is where I start to make a change. I'm growing up, responsibility is heavier and more evident now. I'm not just that mature 17 year-old, soon I'm an 'adult' and responsibility will have to be expected and not respected.

It takes two to tangle, but more than anything it's me that has to change. If people are unwilling to change, that gives me a higher responsibility. A responsibility to be that person, that the other is scared to be. When I think about it, I'm blessed. Blessed to have that opportunity to be the better person, the one who grows and learns from their experiences. I want to learn through experience, not what people tell me what from what I have learned. This is what's going to change me.

My teacher had a really good conversation with me. We're close, I see her as a friend more than a teacher. The conversation was good, and it really encouraged me to be the better person. In the long run, it will benefit me. Once I head into a serious relationship, I won't be oblivious but I'll live to learn to make both of our lives better. Together. Growing and experiencing to together. I hold that responsibility to be that type of girlfriend and wife. You want someone who tries to be a good person, rather than an asshole. I want to be that girl that guys are jealous of. I want to be the girl, that makes my guy proud.

When fights like this happen, I'm making changes so I can calm down and walk away. I want to be the better person. I want to control myself before things get out of hand. I don't want to be the aggressor. I've had it happen to me, and it's the worst feeling. I don't want to be responsible to cause someone that harm.

I guess this is apart of my New Years resolution. I know it's quite typical to put, 'To be a better person.' However, there's more to it. It involves everything in you, that you despise. For those are so arrogant and full of themselves, this is where faith steps in. God can only reveal this to you. He knows you, we don't know ourselves. Why? It's because we're so full of denial. God causes change. It's never too late either. When problems arise, if the other person is not making an effort. Just ask God to simply tell you what it is that you need to change. Regardless if the other person changes or not, you know that you're becoming a better person.

okay this is too long.

there are probably typos, forgive me.

Read More 1 Comment | Posted by Natahsha Priya

once i have the time and patience to fix the html, a new blog design will be up.

oh. power outage last night.

ruined my kylie wong's: my china marathon.

also. boys confuse me.

the ones i want, don't show a lot of interest.

it's mostly just joke flirting.

the ones i want to leave me alone, don't.

Read More 2 comments | Posted by Natahsha Priya

snowwww

i'm back. hahaha.

pictures from a walk in the snow yesterday.

also, i had blog issues.

everything was fine but the date for the blogs was labeled as 'undefined'.

so i went and changed the html and now i've lost the whole thing

EDIT:

um. the pictures where being very weird to work with.

they messed up the whole blog layout.

i'll repost them in a different blog.

Read More 0 comments | Posted by Natahsha Priya

;askdfha

WHO IN THE WORLD HAS FIVE FREAKING FEET OF SNOW?

NO ONE.

EXCEPT US.

FREAKING CANADA.

Read More 0 comments | Posted by Natahsha Priya

My Pop Playlist

I officially have no life, so I decided to make a pop playlist.

It reminds me of the my childhood to current songs that I secretly dance to.

I know not a lot of people read this, so thus I won't feel as embarrassed.

Coming from someone who listens to a lot of heavy music.... this is weird.

BUT I LOVE IT.

please don't hate it.

feel free to add suggestions though.

anything pop or dancey. bring it. :D

It's in alphabetical order...

- Potential Break-Up Song: Aly & AJ

- Walking on Sunshine: Aly & AJ

- Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It): Beyonce

- What About Us?: Brandy

- The Boy Is Mine: Brandy feat. Monicaa

OMGBRITNEYSPEARSLOLZ

- Sometimes: Britney Spears

- Circus: Britney Spears

- Crazy (Stop Remix): Britney Spears

- Do Something: Britney Spears

- Oops I Did It Again: Britney Spears

- Over Protected: Britney Spears

- Piece of Me: Britney Spears

- Stronger: Britney Spears

- Womanizer: Britney Spears

- Ridin': Chamillionaire

- Kiss Kiss: Chris Brown

- Ain't No Other Man: Christina Aguilera

- What A Girl Wants: Christina Aguilera

- Goodies: Ciara

- 1, 2 Step: Ciara

- Gotta Get Through This: Daniel Betingfield

- Say My Name: Destiny's Child

- Survivor: Destiny's Child

- Jumpin' Jumpin': Destiny's Child

- He Loves Me, He Loves You Not: Dream

- This Is Me: Dream

- Put Ur Hands Up: Family Force 5

- Earthquake: Family Force 5

- Back Off The Wall: Family Force 5

- Fergalicious: Fergie

- Low: Flo Rida

- Get Right: Jennifer Lopez

- Waiting for Tonight: Jennifer Lopez

- Rock Your Body: Justin Timberlake

- Sexy Back: Justin Timberlake

- I Think I Love You: Kaci

- Can't Get You Out Of My Head: Kylie Minogue

- Just Dance: Lady GaGa

- Do Not Disturb: Lets Get It

- Shoot For Teams: Lets Get It

- Duck Duck Grey Goose: Lets Get It

- Swing: Miss May I (okay, it's heavy but I love dancing to it)

- Hella Good: No Doubt

- It's My Life: No Doubt

- Just A Girl: No Doubt

- Bye Bye Bye: N'Sync

- Girlfriend (Remix): N'Sync

- It's Gonna Be Me: N'Sync

- Tearin' Up My Heart: N'Sync

- Liquid Dreams: O Town

- Don't Cha: The Pussycat Dolls

- Pon De Replay: Rihanna

- SOS: Rihanna

- Show My Love: Robyn

- Don't Stop Moving: S Club 7

- S Club Party: S Club 7

- Stop: Spice Girls

- Wannabe: Spice Girls

- No Scrubs - TLC

I HAVE NO LIFE.

ahahahahahahaaaaa.

Read More 0 comments | Posted by Natahsha Priya

Tell Me Something Good

Oh Inconsistent Me, Crying Out For Consistency

20 Facts

Ouch x 384732

Destroy My Pride

dumb myspace.

Stop Running

Blurbbbb

<33

lack of...

boys.

Book List

Self Improvements

AHAHAHAHA

keep voting!

argh.

snowwww

;askdfha

My Pop Playlist

natahsha priya

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