warning: this will be long.
It all started at recess, one girl was standing in the hockey game. A bunch of huge guys were playing there, so I simply said, 'So-and-So you shouldn't be standing there.' She immediately blew up. I told her it was simply because I didn't want her to get hurt. These guys will hurt you... no joke. I've had experience. I still have bruises and scars from basketball games. Her attitude blew up, and I immediately apologized ad walked away before it blew up.
After school, we mentions it to the teacher as I'm walking by. I stop, and listen and say, 'I said sorry, why are you bringing it up?' Then the teacher brought us to sit and talk about what happened. It was a thirty minute conversation, that was just idk. I said sorry but she couldn't get over it. Then she brought up something that 'happened' five years ago. By the way, she's twelve right now. It was my karaoke machine, you can't jump near it cause it's extremely sensitive. Well, she jumped and it got screwed up. I told her, not to and she didn't listen. She brings it up and blames it all on me. Which is EFFING STUPID. WHY? CAUSE SHE WASN'T EVEN INVITED TO THAT PARTY. SO THUS, SHE WASN'T EVEN THERE. So she made it up on the spot, which really ticked me off. She was making false incidences that never really occurred. She brought up false stories and blamed it on me. I say things to her because I just don't want her to get hurt. She doesn't want that help.. fine. Get mulled over by three, 200 pound guys. That's not my problem.
But then I was coming to realize that it was much more than just an argument. After she left, my teacher and I had a conversation. It's much more, this is where I start to make a change. I'm growing up, responsibility is heavier and more evident now. I'm not just that mature 17 year-old, soon I'm an 'adult' and responsibility will have to be expected and not respected.
It takes two to tangle, but more than anything it's me that has to change. If people are unwilling to change, that gives me a higher responsibility. A responsibility to be that person, that the other is scared to be. When I think about it, I'm blessed. Blessed to have that opportunity to be the better person, the one who grows and learns from their experiences. I want to learn through experience, not what people tell me what from what I have learned. This is what's going to change me.
My teacher had a really good conversation with me. We're close, I see her as a friend more than a teacher. The conversation was good, and it really encouraged me to be the better person. In the long run, it will benefit me. Once I head into a serious relationship, I won't be oblivious but I'll live to learn to make both of our lives better. Together. Growing and experiencing to together. I hold that responsibility to be that type of girlfriend and wife. You want someone who tries to be a good person, rather than an asshole. I want to be that girl that guys are jealous of. I want to be the girl, that makes my guy proud.
When fights like this happen, I'm making changes so I can calm down and walk away. I want to be the better person. I want to control myself before things get out of hand. I don't want to be the aggressor. I've had it happen to me, and it's the worst feeling. I don't want to be responsible to cause someone that harm.
I guess this is apart of my New Years resolution. I know it's quite typical to put, 'To be a better person.' However, there's more to it. It involves everything in you, that you despise. For those are so arrogant and full of themselves, this is where faith steps in. God can only reveal this to you. He knows you, we don't know ourselves. Why? It's because we're so full of denial. God causes change. It's never too late either. When problems arise, if the other person is not making an effort. Just ask God to simply tell you what it is that you need to change. Regardless if the other person changes or not, you know that you're becoming a better person.
okay this is too long.
there are probably typos, forgive me.
Good.
Blog.
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