35%, and it brought down my total grade to a %40-something.
My heart broke to see the number, then it hit me.
I could fail and screw graduation.
I've always been honor roll, what's wrong with me this year?
40? I GET 80% ALL THE TIME.
There is more to me than my music, grades, designs and photography.
They don't define who I am.
I need to stop trying to control everything myself.
I need to stop with 2387438 goals, and just stick to what is important.
I need consistency, with those around me, my work, my faith and my mind.
I've crumbled, and I need to be mended.
For the first time, I crawled underneath my sheets, put 'when i go down' and 'let it all out' by relient k and just cried out to God. I cried for 20 minutes, real tears that left me breathless. Matt Thiessen has the the perfect song. Through all my hardest moments, these have brought me to humble ground. I am human, I screw up and I have the nature to reject that. I can't do that, God needs to break me in order for the 'new' me to be born. I am giving myself to him, in my best efforts, completely.
--
I NEED YOU, GOD.
YOU ARE MY CONSISTENCY.
I'M CRYING OUT, OH GOD.
PLEASE, HEAR MY PLEA.
<3
so is life, love.
He hears your plea. He'll answer. He's already answering.
Ecclesiastes 7:3 says "Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us."