Oct 30

night nine

I got like... 1 hour of sleep.

11:30 in bed.... not asleep yet.

and was awake at 1.

yes again.

well the essay is done. :]

Tomorrow is my school's/church party thing.

I'm volunteering to help out. I bought a mask with feathers but now I don't like it.

So I think I'll just go with skinnies, high heels, white v-neck and red lipstick... semi-rockstar.

Then after we are off to the cabin my friend's dad has fireworks, hot chocolate and stuff planned. For some reason my eyeliner has disappeared so I've been mixing water with black eyeshadow and my eye is all pink now. So I have to go and buy new eyeliner

OH. and after 12pm at school it's free time.

cause yeah.. and i can play wow for like 4 hours.

I asked my teacher and she gave the ok.

BUT.. I want to finish everything because report grades are due on the 7th, so I'm taking the free afternoon in two weeks. That way, everything is done and out of the way.

The Devil Wears Prada re released their album 'Plagues' and it has a dvd on Tuesday. I pre-ordered September 17th... orders were supposed to be shipped out on the 23rd. Mine is still being processed. I was one of the first people to order (announced album date Sept 13th). And the official details for the pre-order were out at the end of the month. Well my order isn't shipped yet and everyone is getting their copy. I really really really really want to see this dvd, so bad. BUT I'M BEING PATIENT. Well, I'm trying.

Also, daily bog devotions will be up on November 1st.

I'm started Proverbs, a chapter a day and I will reflect on it and what not.

I think that's it..

well keep me in your prayers.

i need sleep. i need God.

I need stability from something in my life.

http://flickr.com/photos/natahshapriya

Read More 10 comments | Posted by Natahsha Priya

Oct 29

Promise and Command

This is straight from my Bible Study Notes, at my school we discussed a verse and a relating verse and we write down our thoughts... this is mine.

Psalms 5:12 (Amplified)

'For You, Lord, will bless the [uncompromisingly] righteous [him who is upright and in right standing with You]; as with a shield You will surround him with goodwill (pleasure and favor)

Is this a promise or a command?

It is a promise and a command. The promise is that the Lord will bless those who are faithful to Him. The command is remaining upright in the Lord, not comprising your doctrines. The ending promise is: He will have favor upon you [us]. Wickedness will not stand before the Lord. He will bless those who follow him, He will guide you along with surrounding favor, 'Compass as a shield [KJV]; Surround him with goodwill (pleasure and favor) [Amplified] this is our protection.

How Psalms 5:12 relates to David (the author)

David was going through a very difficult time, where opposition was prevailing and David cried out to God. He wanted God to hear his cries, and he continued to wait for a solution from Heaven above. David prayed out to God to hold those were against him, accountable for their actions. Those who turn to God in these times of turmoil will be blessed with favor. This favor will take account in God's perfect timing.

My view on Psalms 5:12

Turn to God when things are in opposition to you. This trust in the Lord will bless you eternally. Even standing up for you beliefs, God will have favor in your life, in opportunities and timing that is preeminent for me. God will defend those who follow Him.

Reference Verse: Acts 7: 8-10

8Then he gave Abraham the covenant of circumcision. And Abraham became the father of Isaac and circumcised him eight days after his birth. Later Isaac became the father of Jacob, and Jacob became the father of the twelve patriarchs.

9"Because the patriarchs were jealous of Joseph, they sold him as a slave into Egypt. But God was with him 10and rescued him from all his troubles. He gave Joseph wisdom and enabled him to gain the goodwill of Pharaoh king of Egypt; so he made him ruler over Egypt and all his palace.

Relation between the two verses

God delivered Joseph from slavery and prison into the house of the Pharaoh. This is where he became Governor of Egypt. Amidst the turmoil of being in jail; he remained faithful to God. The Lord gave him favor through Pharaoh.

Joseph was tempted to commit adultery with Potifer's wife. He went along with it.. he would have been kicked out. Even worse, adultery was a big no-no, so he would have been stoned and killed... just a possibility. But because he remained faithful to God and he kept his ways straight, God gave in favor (Governor)

However, being faithful is one thing and so is God providing protection and favour to us. This is a ‘two-way’ deal where both have promises that need to be kept. When things go wrong, look at us instead of blaming it on the Lord. He is not the source of your tribulations it is you (us). Giving into what Satan wants, and not what God has in store. God tries us because he knows our hearts; he wants us to go through these hard times while we rely on Him. These are the test and trials we endure, remaining faithful in God provides a promise from God that he will protect you.

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Oct 29

night 8

or 7.. or 9.

i really don't remember.

but i'm exhausted.

went to bed at 11 after studying.

woke up at 1 am.

argh

Read More 2 comments | Posted by Natahsha Priya

Oct 27

Make it night six....

... of no sleep.

I feel like I am about to pass out.

But my body won't allow me to sleep and it's getting really frustrating.

BUT GOOD NEWS. NO GOVERNMENT EXAMS TO GET INTO UNIVERSITY THIS YEAR.

This just got me out of five provincial exams.

Boy am I happy. But I'm still tired. and I don't like it.

But I feel like a little stress has been lifted off my shoulders.

I'm not even worried about my History essay due for Friday.

Simply. God is good.

Read More 1 Comment | Posted by Natahsha Priya

Oct 26

ahhhh.

I have an essay due this coming friday.

I started a little early on the topics but I have a problem with resources.

The 3 that I wanted to do were on kamikaze, the atomic bomb revenge and the German U-boats.

BUT MY LIBRARY HAS ONLY 1-3 BOOKS ON THE SAID TOPICS.

I need a minimum of 5. So now, I'm stuck on doing an essay on how insane Hitler is.... yet again.

I GOT THE POINT, HE HATED THE JEWS, HE WANTED TO KILL THEM BECAUSE HE SUFFERED FROM PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES.

I love WW2 history, but I really don't want to do another essay on Hitler.

Oh well.... what can we do?

As for life.. it is getting better, I'm learning to really control myself (the whole good deeds thing). We (volleyball team) lost so much, and I have lazy kids on my team and often when they'd miss their shot I'd yell out, '*insert name here*!!!! THE BALL WAS RIGHT THERE!!! ARGH.' Now, it's 'ehh. *sigh* so it's getting better.

Oh, and for those of you who read this, please pray for me.

Over the past month, my sleeping patterns have been knocked off.

I am awake for the majority of nights and then there are some where I can sleep.

However the past week, I have been awake all night, the most sleep I'll get is about 1 - 2 hours.

I am absolutely drained, and I can't take a break cause I have school work that needs to be completed. I don't know if it is the stress or personal life issues. I don't know, but as for know I am in desperate need of sleep.

Read More 0 comments | Posted by Natahsha Priya

Oct 22

Intimidation

Over the last few days, I've thinking a little bit more about life after grade 12.

I plan to travel in the summer and start university in the second semester.

but.. being in such a small bubble I feel so intimidated.

I spent an hour last night looking at the site at all the courses to get a degree, the grades you need and the huge atmosphere. I have a fear of failing.. I feel terrified at the thought of going to school. 40 courses in 4 years.. to get a degree. That's sleepless nights, and studious days that I feel I will not be able to handle. Then there's the option of breaking it up... the taking 8 years to do the course. I simply just want in and then out. 4 years max... I can't take more than that. As of right now I am extremely scared.. and I feel so small and naive compared the party-hard lifestyles of college and university. I'm awkward, I won't fit in.

Is this because people were scared that I was unable to fight for myself?

So they keep me home schooled and in a small church school where I can be easily controlled and monitored?I can't be kept like this all the time...

... out of fear they kept in that small little world and now next year I'll have to pay the consequences.

I have a strong conscious and I know what I want.

I am strong and I can stand for myself.

Give me the chance.

Read More 1 Comment | Posted by Natahsha Priya

Oct 22

Go On Live....

By Attack Attack!

Good song with encouraging lyrics.

check it.

You never said that this would be easy,
So go on live,
You never said that this would be easy,
So go on live.

WOOOOOO!

This is the best part of the message,
And it only took one.

We live for what He's worth,
And that's more than you'll know.
He died for what He loved,
And what he loved was you.

I'll wait for you,
You know I'll wait for you,
I'll wait for you,
You know I'll wait for you.

You never said that this would be easy,
So go on live,
You never said that this would be easy,
So go on live.

Bow your head,
Go on live.

This is the time to let yourself go,
Lord pick me off the ground,
You never said this would be simple,
So pull me in and turn around.

Read More 1 Comment | Posted by Natahsha Priya

Oct 21

The whole wide world....

.. is fearing the wrong things.

- Modify the Pronounciation by The Devil Wears Prada

I don't how to spell the title, even if I am an insanely huge fan of the band.

there's just too many variations, so we'll just leave it at that.

This last week has completely horrific, joyful, saddening as well as fascinating.

I wouldn't say it was my favourite week, but I do feel that it has helped me to see life through a different perspective as well as to stand my ground, on the topics such as my faith and my own individual views.

I've learned that Christians, feel free to disagree, tend to be more judgmental especially when we are taught to love everyone regardless of their life or appearance. Jesus was a friend with a prostitute, Mary Magdalene, and not once did he judge her. He was her friend and most importantly her Saviour. As humans and even Christians, we are not in that place to judge others. It's just sad to see Christians, that you see in your church tend to be hostile and judgmental. My heart breaks at this, cause were all in that position of being unsaved... so why condemn them? Even if it is just stares or gossiping it's wrong. I just pray for these people, that the grace and love of God will have mercy on them. We all make mistakes, I just pray that as Christians through God we (yes, we I am guilty of this too) can see our faults and then we can be humble and loving to those around us. Jesus, when he lived on earth, loved and cared for everyone even those who had infectious diseases and were considered outcasts. This is the love that we need to share, not preaching at people but rather to them, to their hearts... and not condemning them but showing them hope and love. This is Christianity and this is what we need to share.

Read More 0 comments | Posted by Natahsha Priya

Oct 15

i want the end

now.

life is getting too much for me.

i can't deal with it right now.

i wish my end would come already.

Read More 1 Comment | Posted by Natahsha Priya

Oct 13

Thanksgiving

It's that time of year, holiday feasts.

Because I live in Canada, our thanksgiving is in October.

But from this point on it's just thanksgiving and then the Christmas hype starts.

The weather outside is gloomy, cold and wet but still I feel a warmth in my heart.

I am thankful for life, as horrible as it is... life is an amazing gift and I am grateful.

I am also thankful for my faith in Jesus. Above all, he's my strength and support in times of distress. The second chances he gives me is mind blowing, by this time I would have been dead or not even born yet. I am also thankful for the powerful music in my life, without I'd lose my mind and hope in God. these are the basic thanks I have.. and regardless if it is Thanksgiving or not.. we need to remember the things and people that are dear to us.

So here's a list of random thankful-ness.

I am...

- thankful for my camera

- thankful for the internet

- thankful for sushi

- thankful for stickam chats with Lets Get It XD

- thankful for brutal breakdowns

- thankful for skinny pants

- thankful for Friends, the tv show.

- thankful for friends, the people.

- thankful to Jennifer and Ashley for letting me vent to them

- thankful for myspace and the crazy laughs it gives me

- THANKFUL FOR RELIENT K <333

- Thankful for The Devil Wears Prada.. and thus thankful for tdwp.net

to be honest this list will get completely random.

but I am thankful for everything.

The hard times and test my character and make me strong... I am thankful.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING CANADA!

new picture from the new lens.

enjoy.

Read More 2 comments | Posted by Natahsha Priya

Oct 12

Brink of Disaster

This past week has been hell for me. I have no idea where to turn anymore, my emotions are completely mixed up, my physical body is absolutely drained and my mind has run out of ideas. I strive to do the best in everything, but for now it just seems to be not enough. For me, 83% is like an F... I need the 100%. That is just how my brain works and when I get anything lower than 100% I get discouraged. This is something I need to work on, it's getting ridiculous now. So far in all my subjects I have 83% and above in everything. So I guess that's good? I spend the whole day doing school, then as soon as I get home at 4, I'm back on the computer doing more school work until 10 at night. I can't do this anymore, my body is just sick of this. I always seem to be tense, I always think about school and those thoughts just bring more stress on me.

Friend wise, there are some people I really want to leave me alone. They dump all their problems on me... and I have my own issues that no one cares to listen to.. so there's enough on my plate already. I love to help people when they have problems, but when they are manically depressed everyday, it does become too much to handle. I don't want to go to youth group anymore, I left early last week because I just can't handle being everyone's therapist. It's emotionally draining and I just came home and cried. The stress got to me and there was a breaking point. I feel somewhat depressed. It's a weird feeling and it just seems to drag me down. I'm starting to hate life.

I am never good enough, I am everyone's problem solver and therapist. I am losing my sanity, the stress is driving me up the wall. I only have a few people to support me, however they aren't even here. It's hard cause for once, I need a hug and a shoulder to cry on.

I took a hiatus from aim, msn, facebook and myspace. But it's difficult cause there are some friends that I need to talk to and for some these are their outlets. I need out. For once, i want to have fun without worrying about school and trying to get the highest grade. I put 110% in everything I do... isn't that enough?

Anyways, Thanksgiving is tomorrow as much as I would love to take the day off and relax. I can't; my history class has so many lecture notes I need all of Monday to study for our topic of the week/debate and it's due Tuesday. I can't cram everything in anymore. I just wish there was a pause button for life.

Just pray for me, I need strength.

Read More 2 comments | Posted by Natahsha Priya

Oct 06

Good Deeds?

Yesterday at church my pastor mentioned that we should be doing deeds that glorify God, it was a continuation of the morning sermon. I miss the night one because I was helping in the nursery. As much as I would love to be in the sermon, I feel these moms need a break and a refreshing and encouraging time from the sermon so I help... plus I love babies so it's good.

So, this morning at school my teacher has mentioned it and we had to write out things that we could do to please God. I think this is a great idea, because I try to be a good person, even with all my weird moods I just feel that I should be a nice person. A nice person that brings a smile to someone's day, just knowing that someone is smiling instead of crying makes me feel good. So we went through the Bible and I got some really good ones, I'm still working on it. However, I don't think it's a contest about how can get the longest list but rather a list that challenges us individually. Cause honestly a list of 200 things is overwhelming, but I rather make a list of things I can honestly, as in HONESTLY, try. Because what is the point of making a list? I would rather make of list of things I can practice. As these deeds really mean something and if you can't practice what you preach don't bother. This isn't a game, it's life. I want to be a good person. Also I just want to challenge myself to make myself proud, but rather try selfless good deeds. Do the deeds to make God happy, because it is a commandment that we need to obey. To obey is better than sacrifice. Obeying is a sacrifice of the heart, mind and body; willing to listen to those who has authority over you. That is a good deed, a deed that pleases God that fact that we are willing to put him before by obeying his word gives him joy and that's what I want to do.

OH BY THE WAY.

my camera has been charging for like 24 hours and it's still on 33%. It's making me a little angry cause I couldn't take pictures with my new lens. ARGH. it better work tomorrow for youth group or i'll be sad. and i don't like to be sad.

Read More 1 Comment | Posted by Natahsha Priya

Oct 04

This Place Is a Prison

Instead of just giving updates here on the blog, from now I will be doing journal entries.

I feel really strong that I should be conveying out my emotions and thoughts rather than keeping them inside.

This week was over all a good week, I planned to go to youth group on Tuesday night and just as I was handing in my history debate of the week, I saw that I had a huge essay assignment due for Friday. I had to to ditch youth group, which was definitely disappointing. I started right away on the essay. It was a topic about Hitler and the scapegoats that he blamed for WWI. I had spent 4 days straight from 9am to 10pm researching Hitler and the war and I was absolutely amazed and shocked about what I had read. Hitler in my opinion, was not just some mad man he was a man who needed attention, he was jealous and he sought out revenge. Simple. I'll post my essay in this blog after my teacher marks it, just to avoid someone stealing it. I am really impressed with how I did, I hope I get a good grade. In simple terms.. Hitler had psychological conflicts from his childhood to his late twenties, and he was just insane. Enough said.

Socially, I haven't seen any of my friends for about 2 weeks? I saw Kristen two weeks ago but for the rest of the gang it's been over a month. I miss them, I finally found a group of friend

s I can talk to, laugh, and dance with. We always have a great time just talking or rocking out to rock band. I hope I get to see them this Tuesday if my school work works out. Problem with the online school is that the history notes are posted on Tuesday.. which means I have to cram everything in one day... including videos, lecture notes and my first debate. It's absolutely ridiculous and I hope they get it up on Monday. If not, I'll have to miss youth again. I'll possibly email my teacher and ask what's going on. It's when the school does this, that I get extremely stressed out and in a bad mood.

I also had a photoshoot planned with this girl who used to come to my school. The first time we did a shoot, it was good but I came to her so it was free. So last week she wants me to do 5 different sessions, design her comp card all for free. Honestly, that will take my whole weekend up, with editing and designing. So all of a sudden she ditches on MSN like she's dodging me. So her brother, who goes to the school says for me to give him my number so she can call. However I forgot because I was working with the teachers. So then he tells me she has an audition today, which was supposed to be the day of the photoshoot, she couldn't even tell me either so I would end up wasting my day waiting for her. So she logs in on MSN and is like 'F**k you B***h'...I don't like her.. I never did I was just being nice to her cause

no one at the school liked her. But for her to do this, and then all the crap she's put me through when she went to my school. AH. I don't like her simple. Her mom paid $8,000 to do a shoot and the pictures didn't turn out good so they ask a 17 year old amateur photographer and then you treat me like this? Argh. End of it, she has money go hire someone else. Technically I wasn't hired.. they just assume I'd do 5 photoshoots, design the computer and print it out for her free. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN PRINCESS.

Well that was the week.

Kind of a vent session but this why I got this to write out anything and everything.

But! I got a cute new picture of my pastor/school principle's grand daughter.

so very adorable. OH AND I'M GETTING A NEW LENS TODAY. 55-200 mm. woohoo.

AND I GOT A FLICKR. check it out.

http://flickr.com/photos/natahshapriya

bye my lovelies.. aka jennifer who is the only one is who reads this.

natahsha..

Read More 2 comments | Posted by Natahsha Priya

Tell Me Something Good

night nine

Promise and Command

night 8

Make it night six....

ahhhh.

Intimidation

Go On Live....

The whole wide world....

i want the end

Thanksgiving

Brink of Disaster

Good Deeds?

This Place Is a Prison

natahsha priya

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