Friend wise, there are some people I really want to leave me alone. They dump all their problems on me... and I have my own issues that no one cares to listen to.. so there's enough on my plate already. I love to help people when they have problems, but when they are manically depressed everyday, it does become too much to handle. I don't want to go to youth group anymore, I left early last week because I just can't handle being everyone's therapist. It's emotionally draining and I just came home and cried. The stress got to me and there was a breaking point. I feel somewhat depressed. It's a weird feeling and it just seems to drag me down. I'm starting to hate life.
I am never good enough, I am everyone's problem solver and therapist. I am losing my sanity, the stress is driving me up the wall. I only have a few people to support me, however they aren't even here. It's hard cause for once, I need a hug and a shoulder to cry on.
I took a hiatus from aim, msn, facebook and myspace. But it's difficult cause there are some friends that I need to talk to and for some these are their outlets. I need out. For once, i want to have fun without worrying about school and trying to get the highest grade. I put 110% in everything I do... isn't that enough?
Anyways, Thanksgiving is tomorrow as much as I would love to take the day off and relax. I can't; my history class has so many lecture notes I need all of Monday to study for our topic of the week/debate and it's due Tuesday. I can't cram everything in anymore. I just wish there was a pause button for life.
Just pray for me, I need strength.
Love, I'm pretty sure you need a sabbatical. A Sabbath, if you will. A day where you don't give in to school and your "responsibilities." It's not a "me day" either. It's a God day. A day where you life and your being is focused around the Almighty. With wisdom and clarity He will speak to you. I remember I once heard the line "If you're too busy for God, maybe you're busier than He wants you to be." Consider it, dear. Know that I, more than anyone, understands the pressure of school and doing well. I'm pro at having mental breakdowns because I didn't study enough, or because I studied so much that my social life is in twisted shambles. Take a Sabbath. Give one day, one twenty four hour period, over to Christ. Don't do homework or chores or stress. Have a vent sesh with Jesus and just give it all over to Him. <3
I know exactly how you feel. I basically lashed out Friday night in a note on Facebook, so if you want to know more you can read there, but for right now i'll give you the gist of it...
I don't have a social life anymore. I go to school Monday-Friday. Then on Friday, I go straight to work. I work Friday through Sunday. Then, after work Sunday, I go straight to my sorority meeting (the only reason I joined a sorority was to meet people and at least attempt a social life), then I come home and do homework, then start my week all over again. I literally don't spend time with friends or family anymore, let alone God. I'm always tired and edgy too, and I hate it. Yesterday, I just happened to wake up early, so I went and had lunch with my mom, then we did a little shopping before I went to work. It was so wonderful, I can't even explain! Then today, I had a late shift at work, so my mom and I were gonna go out again, but the car wouldn't start, so we had to scrap those plans, and I actually started crying b/c I was soooo looking forward to it. Mainly b/c I just don't get to do that kind of stuff anymore. But I'm going to make an effort to make room for friends and family at least one day a week, just to keep myself sane. Because it felt good to just relax with my mom, and kind of vent to her a bit about my life. I think you should do that to, with whoever you like spending time with, whether it be your family or a special friend. And darling, I wish I had your grades. My grades are actually decent this semester, except my science class. I need to get at least a 70% in order to receive credit for the class, so I really need to work my butt off b/c I'm failing right now, and I refuse to make up yet another science class. (it's 11:11, make a wish). It sucks, b/c I have that "I don't give a crap" attitude about school. I have since 7th grade. I do just enough to get by, but I don't put forth much more effort than that. And I hate it, but I'm so stuck in my ways that sometimes I think I'll never change. But hey, I'm rambling now, so if you ever need a virtual shoulder to cry on, you know where to find me.