God, take this situation and turn it around

Don’t let these hands fail me again

I’ve ran to look for an answer,

But instead I ran away from the truth

These excuses won’t save me anymore

I want to start over, give me this second chance

are assholes.

waiting. hoping. and dreaming

BOYS ARE A MESS OF CONFUSION AND GOOD LOOKS.

you'll figure out the title after watching this.
Relient K's Video

Lately, the more I seem to make an effort to become friendly.. the more I get hurt. It's a constant cycle that never seems to end, and I'm really fed up. I want to stop every form of communication from AIM, Facebook, Myspace.. etc, there's no point anymore. I'm highly considering saying goodbye to AIM till graduation, which is 72 days away. :] No one talks to me on that thing anyways, unless they want something or they want to vent. I barely get replies, so why am I wasting my time? I really don't know.

eighteen. 

JONATHAN DAVID SCHNECK, SHAVE YOUR BEARD.Studio Update Webisode #1

I invited 44 people to my birthday party, only 8 showed up. Regardless of how short the guess list was, this was the best birthday party. We laughed and talked for hours, time was weightless. We came back to my house to hang out till 1 am. We had conversations about World War II, sports, faith and love. 'Friends' played for hours, and there was continuous laughing. We had popcorn, Arizona tea by the litre, soda and candy. We were five again, with our ice cream cake and laughter. It didn't seem as if I were turning into an adult, but rather reminiscing about the past and how much God has truly blessed me.  I've had my good share of struggles, hard ships, and testing moments. These are opportunities that have prepared me for the years ahead. I am prepared for where God wants to take me, I want more opportunities. People may say 'Why do you want more problems?,' to be frank no one wants more trials but they are refining. I want to be refined at gold, I want to be gold. I want to shine before men, I want to be inspiration, I want the power of God to move through me to heal the broken hearted. My life has been a testimony, a testimony full of opportunities, not mistakes. I'm 18 on Tuesday, but I feel the process of being an adult is here. I am ready to put all that I have learned in life, into real life applications. 

I left today at 8:30am to leave to go to the US. We did some shopping, had breakfast at Denny's, went to an 'all you can eat' buffet. Today was definitely good.

Song from Underoath, back from 1999. Inspiring, honest, and captivating. 

I wait for my true love, but she never came

I cry for my true love, but she never came

I leave this world never knowing who she was, departing all alone..

I'd just like to speak for a second and say that, um.. I just encourage everybody who hears this album to look towards Christ and not towards people, because people allow you to fall away, people aren't perfect. Theres only one person thats perfect and thats Christ. And I see people every day who are looking at Christ and blow Christ off because something that someone else has failed on. And its just not worth it, Christ has blessed me and every other member of this band more than any other way that I can imagine, or be spoken. Just the way everything worked out tonight was just beautiful. I just pray for each and every one of you, we wouldn't sit here and we wouldn't do this unless we wouldn't put the time into it unless it was trying to touch you, trying to reach your life and I just ask please just give your heart to Christ, and allow him to come in and just accept him. It says, “If you acknowledge that you have sinned and you ask Christ to come into you life, he will enter you life just believe that he's died on the cross for your and risen on the third day, and Christ can life for you and he with you? and I just pray that you just give him that chance to do that, you don't know what you missed, you don't know what you missed until you haven't had something and realize that its gone, then you realize what you've missed and what hasn't been in your life. And I just ask you please just give the LORD a chance to do that and I just hear a lot of people say that its just, I hear a lot of people say that its just you know, “Oh? you know, “this some religious person is trying to force this down my throat? well thats not our intent our intent's not to force this down your throat. We do this because we love you and we care for the people that do hear this. And I just wish everybody just to look towards it and give it a chance, and not fall out. There is hope, you can find it, and Christ is hope and your never gunna feel a void, your never gunna feel that huge gap and that void in your life until you turn and you look at the truth, even though you may not see it as the truth, I just pray that God will reveal himself to you and you can open your eyes, just as we were in your same shoes and he opened ours, he opened our eyes eyes.. just... even though it's this late you can't even speak, I just pray that He'll please just show you his power. This album goes out to just, the victims of rape and suicide, child molestation, people who are broken hearted, people who just cant handle life anymore and just have to fall on their knees every night and cry. There is a better way, and we have found it, please don't give up, there is a better way.

Spirit of, the living God

Call fresh on, me

Spirit of, the living God

Fall fresh on me

Melt me, Mold me

Fill me, LORD use me

Spirit of, the living God

Fall fresh on, me

Spirit of, the living God

Fall fresh on, me

Fill me, Mold me

Fill me, Use me,

Spirit of, the living God

Fall fresh on, me

LORD melt me, LORD use me, LORD fill me, LORD mold me

LORD make me, the person you want me to be LORD. LORD take me, and mold my, my mind. Renew my mind LORD, help me not to listen to this world, politicians people of this world, who only long to bring me hate and frustration. Help me to think for myself, to obtain knowledge, think! think for my self

Spirit of, the living God

Fall fresh on, me

NEW RELIENT K RECORD.

I've always wanted to know my GPA. Considering that I am going to University next year, I'd thought I'd give it a whirl. Including that I barely passed Calculus, But managed to get at least 85% in my all my classes. I got a 3.65. I don't know if that's good or not. But I think it's good? Haha, I don't know.

DARN YOU SCHEDULE!

Here is my twitter: http://twitter.com/natahshapriya 

I have a project due for Geo 12. I did my internet and text book research. Now, I just have to write the essay. It's 500 - 750 works MAX, which I'm not used to at all. On top of that, I need to get some books at the library. It's due next Friday, but I have two weeks for Spring Break. The other kids at my school will be attending next week, I won't. So today, thanks to the rain, there's no photo shoot. This means, I can do more research? Outline, paraphrase and then next week I can go to the library? I don't know. Haha, I'm finicky. 

I was at MetroTown with Ashleigh today. We were having some sorbet that's in front of a 'Rip Curl' store. I saw this really cute guy there. For once, I made eye contact with a cute guy. My friend and I, both saw him looking at me. He would try to fix something, then quickly glance my way, several times. I was seriously thinking that he was looking at my friend, but they never made eye contact. I hide myself behind my purse and he still looked. After we finished, we went into the store to check it out a bit. He was on a different side of the store, and there was a girl near us who worked there. He actually walked over and asked 'How is everything', while making eye contact with me. I just stood there like 'Whaaa?' then my friend quickly replied with 'We're fine, thanks.' He's really cute. I wanted to say 'hi' so badly, but this is the first time that I have tried to go up to a guy. He tried to talk to me but seemed really shy. But, I'm really confused. He isn't her type, but he's the type of guy that I'm really into. For once a guy like this is actually looking at me. He has plugs, 'emo' hair, some tattoos and really a cute smile. I don't want to think about him and get my heart into a knot. I'll spend all night thinking about him. Ugh. Just thought I'd update you all, I'm so freaking giddy right now it's ridiculous. 

THERE WAS NO RAIN.
Here's a shot. This shoot turned out really good, I'm glad my portfolio is getting bigger.

The breakfast went very well. We had some really good food followed by great conversation and window shopping. She talked about her family, marriage and job. I listened and prayed for her in my head. To be really honest, I'm scared about what happens in her home. I know her husband has anger problems, and she's confirmed he's possessive. I'm praying for her. I would hate to think that he's laid his hand on her. However, I just told her to pray, pray, pray. God holds the power and wisdom for perfect timing. Also, she can't even see her own family that lives up here, and she started to cry. Again, I'm praying. I'm starting to learn that prayer is the safest, most efficient and powerful tool any person can use. Use it well. 

It's complex, revolting, enjoyable and quirky. Today we've had rain, snow, sunshine, hail, heavy winds... what's next brimstone and raging fire? The weather is driving me insane, My photo shoot plans have to move because the weather decides to be spontaneous. It's ridiculous. 

Are you ready?

Ready to drop it all at the line?

Ready for a new start?

We're in it for the long run.

You're not running this alone. 

I CAN'T FIND MY SCHEDULE. 

Mothers are peculiar creatures. They nurture, feed, teach and discipline. They seem to never run out of energy, they constantly strive for a better life for their children. Also, mothers seem very 'old school.' They think the clothes we enjoy are off-spun and bizarre, our music is too loud or just gibberish and our favourite shows are nonsense. That's a mom's point of view on many things, however my mother surprised me today. I finally got the courage to show my mom some of my lyrics. To my surprise, she was actually speechless. Her speechless soon turned into how amazed she was. I was in awe of how she reacted to be really honest. She loved them, SHE REALLY LOVED THEM. I preceded to play her some music I came up with yesterday; She loved it too. I'm flabbergasted. We also went out for lunch, so I decided to play her some of my favourite bands. I played her A Day To Remember, she loves Jeremy's voice. Even more shocking, she actually understood his growls. Is this my mother? Goes to show you to never underestimate a mom. They will surprise us. Show them something new and odd, and you'll be surprised. 

Spring break is officially here. I'm more than excited to have the week off. To make things even better, because I am ahead in my subjects I get an extra week. My online school gives two weeks, my 'school' gives one. This extra week will help me rest my knee as well as plan some photo shoots. I'm only on day one and have never experienced such boredom. I kind of cleaned my room, we will leave it at that. I wrote 5 songs yesterday, they are typed and added. I have 31 songs now, hopefully once I start to piece the music and lyrics together I'll post something. :] My lyrics aren't great or significant but they are *insert word here.* I'm too afraid to actually post my lyrics, because I don't want to be flamed, ridiculed or embarrassed. I need to get over this if I want to have a band, haha. 

After being told by my doctor that I may not do any physical activity, I made a huge mistake. More so on my teachers part, rather than mine. During soccer we have two games going on; One game has two teams actually playing soccer game and then the other two teams trying to keep the ball in the court. While on the outside keeping it in, the ball went flying by three feet away. I drove for it, missed but also happened to land on my right knee. I have pains shooting up my leg and it's so painful. The teacher said I would be able to do it, I was but I caused more damage. Barely 5 minutes after the game, I call my dad to pick me up. I chickened out of my x-ray the past two days but I'm scheduled tomorrow. I think I screwed my knee up more, I can barely make it down the stairs. 

Share Your Passion Sponsored by Visit Physicians Formula

I finally posting this darn thing. haha.

Two and a half months of torturing knee pain, I finally go for a visit to the doctor. After a three-minute exam of pressuring my knee into HELL, we arrived at what I have. I have torn ligaments throughout my knee. He also suspected that I may have torn cartilage as well. ON TOP OF THAT, I had to take a x-ray, but we got there and they turned us away. So, we're booked for Wednesday the 11th. OH, THAT'S NOT ALL. Doctor's order: No physical activity for 3 weeks. This is what hurts the most as we're playing soccer for our team sports, and on top of that we have a huge skipping rope competition tomorrow. I'm not even allowed to brisk walk. I kept asking him what I could do, but he continuously said 'You don't do anything!' So, for the next three weeks I am allowed to be a lazy sloth. Most would be excited about this, but I'm not. Because I ignored the pain or over two months, if I continue anything physical that I may have to get surgery and that means no sports ever again. Also, my other knee is hurting now. :[ 

I'm anxiously awaiting for the approval of my shirts.

I know you aren't on Facebook, so I thought I'd dedicate a blog post to you. 

I want to start collecting. 

I don't know what to do anymore. The more I try to become a better person, the more I'm shot down. I try to remain stable in my moods, remaining calm in tense situations. I'm trying not to be jealous, I'm trying to accept and move on. Why is that when I make an attempt, it fails before my eyes. I'm so sick of everything now. There's no point to continue this struggle when I'm not benefiting. 

I did Lent a few years ago as Jennifer brought it up and I thought it was a great idea.

I haven't blogged in a long time.

There's only a week left in the scholarship competition.

A woman's heart should be so hidden in God, that a man has to seek Him to find her.

I came across a comment today that really sparked something inside me. I won't post the actual comment. However, I will describe it lightly. It talked about how ‘they’ believe in Christ, but they think that they are never judged. Thus, leading them into a life of partying, cussing and irresponsibility. I'm not judging at all, I'm just stating the facts. Then they go around to say that ‘he’ will never judge them. I'm pretty sure God is insulted by the fact that they put his name in quotes. They also go on to say that they want to show people that it's okay to live a free lifestyle, because God doesn't judge. That's their message to the world. It’s pathetic how people can believe such egotistical, self-seeking things. Of course God will judge, in fact he is the only one that can and will judge; yet people refuse to admit that. They believe that Christianity is a one-way deal where you can accept salvation and simply forget it, without making any effort into becoming a better person. The world breaks my heart, it breaks my heart even more for them to know salvation only to reject it and then exploit the Lord's name in vain.

 

God save us.

I started the new semester this week. Geography I aced. :] I got 100%, even though I had no idea what I was talking about. Entrepreneurship was definitely interesting. I dropped French 11 for Accounting. In math, that tends me to be my strongest point. CALCULUS MAKES SENSE! This is unbelievable to me, I understand the concepts and I'm getting everything right. God is good. 

My soul has never had this feeling.

It feels like gold.

First off, I'll start off about the boy.

I just looked at my last blog. Nothing came out as I wanted it too.

I got the horrifying results to my math final.

Here are the rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 20 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. 

1) I tend to be very blunt when I met new people, I think it earns me respect....?

2) I don't like people in my room, it's mine and only for me. Go hang out in the living room.

Friday night I went to church with my mom.

Hey what you got you don't know
Anything that I'm gonna say right now
Cause I'm not so sure why I'm here and why I wanna
Keep on hanging 'round right now
Not that I do it now or any day
Sometimes I just get burned out
About lots of things and well just doubt

So tell me something good you got it and
Why am I so misunderstood cuz I wanna know this
Cause I'm confused and do I break into two
So tell me how about you

Hey what you got something bad and I want it
Even though I know its wrong
But I won't be blessed cause I know this so I can't have that
So I can show I gotta be strong
Man I don't wanna be able to breathe
Be able to see what's become
of the wars of this world
and the wars from my tongue

So tell me something good you got it and
Why am I so misunderstood cuz I wanna know this
Cuz I'm confused and I bruise yes I do so tell me how about you
So please just tell me something good you got it and
Why am I so misunderstood cuz I wanna know this
Come on baby and race me and maybe we'll just find ourselves

I wanna be I wanna be like that mountain
I wanna stand taller and bigger than rest
See I just wanna be it a guy who wins all the time
I wanna be a big star a king and rule my own life
And God I know that it's wrong
So please just make my heart right
Inside and destroy my pride

So you can tell me something good you got it 
Why I am so misunderstood cuz I wanna know this
Cause I'm confused and I bruise yes I do so tell me how about you
So please just tell me something good you got it and
Why am I so misunderstood cuz I wanna know this
Come on baby and race me and maybe we'll just find ourselves

Hey what you got something bad and I want it
Even though I know its wrong

You comment several people, it's okay if they take a few days to reply.

I believe everyone comes to the point in their life where they start to really accept.

This is my final week for my favourite class, History 12.

It's here!

I'm not getting as much sleep as I'd like.

confuse me.

My goal for 2009 is to read 25 books. Here's a list of books that I want to read. I'll check them off once they are read. This isn't a full list, I know. These are books that I'm interested in reading, however a book is a book. The goal is 25, we'll see how far I go.

Today was just. wow.
warning: this will be long.

It all started at recess, one girl was standing in the hockey game. A bunch of huge guys were playing there, so I simply said, 'So-and-So you shouldn't be standing there.' She immediately blew up. I told her it was simply because I didn't want her to get hurt. These guys will hurt you... no joke. I've had experience. I still have bruises and scars from basketball games. Her attitude blew up, and I immediately apologized ad walked away before it blew up.

After school, we mentions it to the teacher as I'm walking by. I stop, and listen and say, 'I said sorry, why are you bringing it up?' Then the teacher brought us to sit and talk about what happened. It was a thirty minute conversation, that was just idk. I said sorry but she couldn't get over it. Then she brought up something that 'happened' five years ago. By the way, she's twelve right now. It was my karaoke machine, you can't jump near it cause it's extremely sensitive. Well, she jumped and it got screwed up. I told her, not to and she didn't listen. She brings it up and blames it all on me. Which is EFFING STUPID. WHY? CAUSE SHE WASN'T EVEN INVITED TO THAT PARTY. SO THUS, SHE WASN'T EVEN THERE. So she made it up on the spot, which really ticked me off. She was making false incidences that never really occurred. She brought up false stories and blamed it on me. I say things to her because I just don't want her to get hurt. She doesn't want that help.. fine. Get mulled over by three, 200 pound guys. That's not my problem. 

so hilarious.
the cover is better by miss may i
http://myspace.com/missmayi

but this video is just amazing.

WATCH IT!

Seeing Things in Black and White Brickfish

i was having too much trouble with my new blog layout.

i'm back. hahaha.

WHO IN THE WORLD HAS FIVE FREAKING FEET OF SNOW?

I officially have no life, so I decided to make a pop playlist.